The Selfish Banquet

There's too much left
But my mind stays never quiet,
I want to quit society -
Is there a room for me in heaven?

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

The outside's trying to break me inside,
I can't deal with words and feelings anymore.
My wishes are to take the annoying calm
As nothing works to clear my mind.

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

I mastered only faking smiles
And hiding scars, tears, fears.
I lost my sun, my loving heart
And all above my consciousness.
(I can't go on, no.)

These goddamn nightmares hunting me,
Seeding grief where first was trust in
Human living, actions, love.
Seems I'm dying all alone
(As everyone else)
Consumed by the shadows in my head
(Of my heart.)

I bite my lip, I scratch my ankles,
(The space steams)
Words don't mean anything here.
These fake friends suppose me to talk
But they sewed my deathpale mouth.
(My darkblue lips.)

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

Every voice in me is telling me to
Keep me a secret, to be the secret,
To be my own cage and to throw away the key.
I don't need to dry my tears now.

You cut my tongue in two and wonder
'bout the reasons for my inability to speak the truth
And how I can be so heartless
While facing the devil in your hearts.
You tucked me in this hole,
(It's eating me.)
Locked me up from the ghosts of sanity,
(No way to recover.)
I'm fading...

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go,
Heaven or hell - can't you hear,
It's screaming for me and opened its doors,
I'm fading, I'm fading, fading away.)

May I Introduce: Lady Table

My voice is shaking, trembling down, I was out for too long. Equally how loud I scream It seems nobody's able to hear my voice Against the mumbling of the crowd And the blasting music. It's not that much fun Sitting next to the main attraction. I feel less worth, it's setting free These locked away thoughts. I'm getting used to it, Always standing in the row, facing backs. And when it comes to me there's nothing left Except the beer spilled on my skirt. When everyone's crying of hurting feet I can smile and still stand because Being left alone means to avoid using mine. It's so rare that anybody care That there's one another just around. Seems I'm air among the worthy lads' and gentlemen. I shouldn't even try, the difference is barely notable And hardly to believe. It's not that much fun Sitting next to the main attraction. I feel less worth, it's setting free These locked away thoughts. My head's pounding, I can't stand the smell Of sweat and smoke. Maybe I should take a pill or even two 'cause feeling numb is what I always do To feel better or Better not anything at all. It's not that much fun Sitting next to the main attraction. I feel less worth, it's setting free These locked away thoughts. Laying in the dark, Repassing every scene, I ask myself: Was I really at this place? Was that reality? I hope I dreamed as the truth would break My heart and mind and soul in pieces.

Contrasts

There's no presence in this room,
Empty corpses, black holes humans are.
But even in existence this annoying sound
Of human beings, breathing, beating
As no one's able to shut the goddamn mouth.

Diamonds of ice touching me,
Cutting nearly deep,
Pieces are raining on my head,
Clutching at my hair and
Never let go of my mind.
Running in circles, the season of
Pushing Daisies began
Even if that's not my fear.

I'm the sunset at midnight
The clouds behind the sky.
Why would I wait for anything
If the gateway is shattering and
I'm the one to blame.

Shadows following me, scratching my back
Just to see me lonely again.
Their laughters like rising flowers in my veins,
Thorns opening possibilities I never thought of.
My anxiety tastes like this romantic depression they thirst for.

Diamonds of ice touching me,
Cutting nearly deep,
Pieces are raining on my head,
Clutching at my hair and
Never let go of my mind.
Cover my face in laces,
Miracles run down my fingers,
I can't stop watching what destroys me.

I don't hear the screaming silence,
But I know it's screaming for me.

Diamonds of ice touching me,
Cutting nearly deep,
Pieces are raining on my head,
Clutchung at my hair and
Never let go of my mind.

Where's the way of stopping me from killing myself?
The archers arm won't hesistate.

Break Out, Trust

Some broken promises can't heal a heart
Never try to fix what you can't bear
You don't know how to dry these tears
So shut your mouth and don't act
Like you're everything to me.

I got news for you: I won't listen to you.
I'm better off on my own
So leave my way, leave my life and
Take your fiction stars back to your own sky.

If it's not anger, if it's not grief,
what else should I feel for you as
nothing, nothing, nothing anymore at all.

You're so talented in always choosing
Just the wrong words, actions, faces
As if it would mean the world to say "Sorry"
Just for one little time being honest
And showing the real you to the world.

I got news for you: I won't listen to you.
I'm better off on my own
So leave my way, leave my life and
Take your fiction stars back to your own sky.

Your lies are ringing in my ears
Are on their way to break me into pieces.
But just imagine you can't even see
And wonder when they cut you sharp
And your perfect being just like me.

I got news for you: I won't listen to you.
I'm better off on my own
So leave my way, leave my life and
Take your fiction stars back to your own sky.

So I got news for you: I won't listen you.
I'm better off on my own
So leave my way, leave my life and
Take your fiction stars back to your own sky
There's no place for them at mine.
In my imaginary world everything's just good without you.

Could You Call It A Beginning?

Soft warm pillows holding nightmares
stealing sleep I badly need.
I'm crying tears instead of you
as you don't see
this living mess.
Your apologies stuck on repeat.
Turn off the lights
the mirrors face is laughing 'bout me.

Break through the basement
my mood's at its lowest
and you still don't let me go
Even if you know it's killing me
and you can't stand me anymore.

My worries are drinking pain like wine
it's the fear of being left behind.
I just want to be able to look at you
without getting sad and feeling bad
without hearing voices that lead me to dark.
I lost my ability to laugh and
love's only the golden streak in your dark black hair,
the fading colour of your eyes.

Break through the basement
my mood's at its lowest
and you still don't let me go
Even if you know it's killing me
and you can't stand me anymore.

I avoid to wear my maskes right
and hope you'll be my sun again
for you to burn bright through raining hands
which try to rip me into pieces.
You killed the daisies in my heart.
When I tried to spread my wings
and fly away, I realized
you already torned them apart.

Break through the basement
my mood's at its lowest
and you still don't let me go
Even if you know it's killing me
and you can't stand me anymore.
The reason you changed is far away
why can't you be just still the same?
I miss you even if you're nearby.
Finally, I'm begging you.
Let me leave your side.
(You can't stand me anymore.)

Waves In Caves

Fear runs down my neck,
My back, cuts me open
So that everyone can see:
I'm empty.
That's the sense of being me.
It means to swim through the forest,
To fight against words and
Losing consciousness all the time.

Be aware of what you love,
Someday it could fake your suicide.
Waves in caves and bloody thorns
Lead you to a heartless self.

The touch of your hands,
I can't feel it anymore,
Threw out all of you
Just to be alone again
'Cause soul and mind are comrades
Working against me.
(Trying to defeat the endless silence.)
I scream too loud,
Can't hear my own thoughts anymore.

Be aware of what you love,
Someday it could fake your suicide.
Waves in caves and bloody thorns
Lead you to a heartless self.

It's december in my castle,
The freezing cold burns down my throat.
I lit a match, my little hope,
To see you smiles surrounding the night sky
Before the widest one blows this hole
Into my head.
Does this mean the end for us
Or is it only me?

Crawling, creeping, deep blue sea,
Can't see the end,
Can't see the end,
Pale white fingers under water
Touching, searching my breathless body
Between ghosts and shelfes in the sand.

Dark Obstacles

It's hard to breathe
when heavy thoughts lie down
on my chest and start
to struggle against my life.
They let me see clear
my life's only balancing,
nearly falling of the knife
that's keeping last and least
but cuts too deep
and so much red runs down my wrist.

If you lean on me
you will fall
I can't hold you,
can't hold me,
can't hold myself
onto this world anymore.
And there's no way to escape,
no tomorrow to follow,
black roses are dying
and my heart's stuttering.

My only friend, the death
arrives and takes my bloody grounded soul
into his arms to hug it tight,
I feel my bones crushed,
my body bruised.

A parasite inside of me
makes me think of bitter things,
shows me again my dark past
uses me like a tool
and everything I'm sure of leaves.
Between stones and bricks
my body rests and faints.
The cold black welcomes me lovely
it nearly feels
like coming home.

If you lean on me
you will fall
I can't hold you,
can't hold me,
can't hold myself
onto this world anymore.
And there's no way to escape,
no tomorrow to follow,
black roses are dying
and my heart's stuttering.

My only friend, the death
arrives and takes my bloody grounded soul
into his arms to hug it tight,
I feel my bones crushed,
my body bruised, but
If I go, will you follow?