The Selfish Banquet

There's too much left
But my mind stays never quiet,
I want to quit society -
Is there a room for me in heaven?

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

The outside's trying to break me inside,
I can't deal with words and feelings anymore.
My wishes are to take the annoying calm
As nothing works to clear my mind.

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

I mastered only faking smiles
And hiding scars, tears, fears.
I lost my sun, my loving heart
And all above my consciousness.
(I can't go on, no.)

These goddamn nightmares hunting me,
Seeding grief where first was trust in
Human living, actions, love.
Seems I'm dying all alone
(As everyone else)
Consumed by the shadows in my head
(Of my heart.)

I bite my lip, I scratch my ankles,
(The space steams)
Words don't mean anything here.
These fake friends suppose me to talk
But they sewed my deathpale mouth.
(My darkblue lips.)

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go?)

Every voice in me is telling me to
Keep me a secret, to be the secret,
To be my own cage and to throw away the key.
I don't need to dry my tears now.

You cut my tongue in two and wonder
'bout the reasons for my inability to speak the truth
And how I can be so heartless
While facing the devil in your hearts.
You tucked me in this hole,
(It's eating me.)
Locked me up from the ghosts of sanity,
(No way to recover.)
I'm fading...

I can't believe my blood's not working,
Desperation fills my empty hands and cut up wrists.
Ashes to ashes, I have to wait
And I have no fucking clue why.
(Why, oh why can't I just go,
Heaven or hell - can't you hear,
It's screaming for me and opened its doors,
I'm fading, I'm fading, fading away.)